The Huffington Post Andy Campbell First Posted: 11/29/12 EST Updated: 11/29/12 EST
Your wife will be happy because you're finally shaving off that disgusting no-shave-November beard, and you'll be happy because bacon.
J&D's Foods finally found a way to top its now-infamous Baconlube with the brand new breakfast-infused lathering product, Bacon Shaving Cream.
You'll not only get all the benefits of "rich creamy moisturizers and hearty essential oils," but you'll smell like bacon. All day.
"Bacon Shaving Cream is a high end, luxurious bacon-scented shaving cream for all skin types," company co-founder Dave Lefkow wrote in a press release."Our advanced heat-activated aromatic technology lasts for hours and delivers maximum bacon scent when you need it most."
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The most popular people at any party are those with boobs and those with booze. So any woman lucky enough to wear the <a href="http://www.bigkitchen.com/product/Cooler-Fun-WineRack-25-Ounce-Stealth-Drink-Cooler-Bra--Size-Small-466870">Wine Rack Stealth Cooler Bra</a> will be in demand for sure. The bra holds only 25 ounces of alcohol, but you probably won't have any trouble getting someone to help you refill it.
<a href="http://www.kookik.com/store/product.asp?productid=1947">This $120 floor lamp</a> not only looks like a cute little dog, but the switch looks like the cute little dog's cute little dropping. Perfect for the home where the design has an animal excrement theme.
Wisconsinites and cheese lovers elsewhere will be "dairy" happy to get the <a href="http://www.cheeseheadbed.com/">Cheesehead Bed,</a> a mattress shaped like a giant slab of cheddar. Thank goodness, the holes are just part of the pattern and not really in the mattress. One downside: The mattress will likely attract nearsighted mice.
To be honest, the <a href="http://innovationfactory.com/products/truckers-friend/">Trucker's Friend</a> was actually intended to be an all-in-one tool for truckers, but folks in the zombie-hunting community have decided that this device is also good for killing the undead. Who are we to argue?
This adult version of the <a href="http://www.tvstoreonline.com/christmas-story-adult-classic-comedy-bunny-suit-pink-pajama-gag-costume.html">humiliating bunny suit</a> Ralphie wore in “A Christmas Story” will give you pop culture bonafides at the office party and make you very popular at the next Furry convention.
Dogs are great for security, but they're expensive. <a href="http://www.qcidirect.com/alarm-security-bar.html">This door alarm </a>not only makes it hard for thieves to open the door, but it plays a recording of an angry dog when jostled.
Suspenders do a great job of holding up pants, but, fashion-wise, they can bring you down. <a href="http://www.suspenders.com/undergarment-suspenders.htm">UnderUps</a> are different because they go under the shirt so that people won't be reminded of Yuppies from the 1980s or wacky mimes from the 1970s.
Women’s shirts are getting shorter at a time when bellies are getting larger. The Trendy Top, a modified<a href="https://www.gettrendytop.com/"> half-skirt, half-shirt </a>(seen here in white), allows a woman to bend, reach or sit without exposing more flesh then they wish.
Paris and Rome are breathtaking places, and <a href="http://eshop.canbeglobal.com/en/">CanBeGlobal</a> is a way to actually take the air from those places home with you. It's basically a sealed can of oxygen "bottled" at the city of origin. Each can comes in a fancy box with a certificate proving the air is authentic and two photos of the place of origin.
Cologne is a very personal thing and <a href="https://is10.eporia.com/company_1039/824805.jpg?cell=360,270&qlt=80&cvt=jpeg">Demeter Fragrances</a> are going to great lengths by creating perfumes and colognes with such sexy smells as dirt and funeral home. They really do smell like their namesakes (Can't vouch for the redhead in bed, at least not while the wife is reading), which, in the case of Funeral Home, could make you especially attractive at a zombie gathering or goth convention.
Not everyone can afford a shredding machine to destroy their old bills and other important papers, but these <a href="http://www.qcidirect.com/shredder-scissors.html">Shredder Scissors</a> can slice and dice them up just as quickly. Even better, unlike electronic shredders, these will also work on nose hairs.
There's a thin line between sobriety and snockered and the <a href="http://www.buydig.com/shop/product.aspx?sku=BCTKKC10">Breathalyzer Keychain</a> can help keep you from going over the edge. It's also useful if you're the type of person who hates driving under any circumstance.
Microwaves aren't just for leftovers or popcorn. Now they can heat slippers. <a href="https://www.orderhotbooties.com">Hot Booties</a> are microwavable slippers filled with natural linseed and lavender seeds. A minute in the microwave and the slippers are piping hot, provided you don't heat them with a fork (note to self: don't make that mistake again)
For generations, people have expressed themselves with bumper stickers, rear window stickers and fuzzy dice only to ignore the rearview mirror. That has changed with <a href="http://www.mirrorgear.com">MirrorGear,</a> a brand of stickers made for the rearview mirror that allows extroverted Americans to let fellow drivers they like snowmen, flaming skulls or soccer.
It is hard to make any walker stylish, but these tennis shoe-shaped <a href="http://www.qcidirect.com/sneaker-glides.html">Walker Glides</a> make a valiant attempt. If you want to add a little pizazz to them, try gluing tiny metal taps to them. No, serious, it'll be funny.
The problem with crime scenes is that they eventually get cleaned up and turned back to normal. However, this collection of <a href="http://pixersize.com/wallmurals/bloody-splashes-23875127">morbid and bloody wallpaper</a> is perfect for the person who wants to be surrounded by murder, meyhem and blood.
You can say Americans are fat slobs, but they're imaginative ones. <a href="http://www.thegoplate.com/">The Go Plate</a> solves the problem at many holiday parties: small flimsy plates that don't hold much food by fitting on top of most glasses, cans and bottles. Pigging out is easier than ever.
Umbrellas are great -- until they slip out of your hand. <a href="http://www.brollytime.com/">The Brolly </a>solves that problem by including finger holes that, in a pinch, could conceivably serve the same purpose as brass knuckles.
When you're defending truth, justice and the American way, your feet can get cold. These <a href="http://www.80stees.com/products/Superman-Caped-Knee-High-Socks.asp">super socks </a>(which have capes on the back) will keep your tootsies warm, but, truth be told, could be Kryptonite to anyone with fashion sense.
Football fans now can show their support for their team in the kitchen with this line of toasters that imprints team logos on to bread. Of course, it is also a good way to razz fans of teams like the Eagles which are already toast.
And apparently, it works. Seattle Insider made a video (below) with Lefkow in which the pig lover gets a beard reduction at a barber shop, using his own product.
"I feel invincible, I feel powerful, and I feel like I could take on the world," Lefkow says after his shave.
At $14.99, Bacon Shaving Cream is a steal, or at least a great gag gift. Throw it together with some bacon roses and you've got yourself the most squeal-worthy gift for your husband (or wife, we don't judge) this season.