Before you decorate your tree, remember, not all ornaments are created equal. It doesn't matter whether they're store-bought or handmade, just so long as they don't feature internal organs, weaponry or sexy mermen.
Consider this collection of photos a cautionary tale for your Christmas tree. There's just no good explanation for any of these. (Some are slightly NSFW, so proceed with caution.)
Um, yes, just yes.
He's also a doctor!
Some erotica author needs to get on this instantly.
She's a person, after all.
One thing there is a plethora of is embryo ornaments.
Nothing says the holidays like a bloody eyeball.
No, just kidding nothing says the holidays like a fleshy eyeball.
That's how he knows who's been naughty or nice.
An ornament to commemorate the year you got that XBox.
This ornament serves as a warning for the actual tree to stay in line.
Literal body organs make the holiday festive.
This is a good gift for your newborn baby to remind him that you think babies are a little creepy.
This one is a real conversation starter.
Maybe next year you'll remember to put out the fire before you go to bed.
Did you ever think you'd read those words typed together?
A monster stealing a cookie?
Because you really just have to include this ornament.
Here's great way to teach your children about death.
Who can forget the classic Christmas story about the beheading of Charlie?
Ok, this is pretty adorable.
Yeah, that makes sense.
He's pretty self-conscious.
That's what we're going with, dog queen.
Hey, keep it in your Santa hat.
Is this an old tradition we don't know about?
Get out of here!
Or hungry baby?
Not you too Mrs. Claus!
That peppermint is laced with vodka.
Not every angel looks alike.
Why shark ornament, why?
This picture was also taken perfectly.
That bow makes eating that ravioli all the sadder.
If you can't decide between having an angel or a star.
Or also, straight up gun.
These two deserve to be on your tree.
To commemorate your Movember look.
She's a reject from the muppets.
Geico, get out of here.
Here's how to show your family you're a little wacky.
There were definitely more than one of these.
Here's one thing that never needs to be personified.