Before you decorate your tree, remember, not all ornaments are created equal. It doesn't matter whether they're store-bought or handmade, just so long as they don't feature internal organs, weaponry or sexy mermen.
Consider this collection of photos a cautionary tale for your Christmas tree. There's just no good explanation for any of these. (Some are slightly NSFW, so proceed with caution.)
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Starting Off Strong
Um, yes, just yes.
Is This A Trend?
He's also a doctor!
This Is 100% A Trend
Some erotica author needs to get on this instantly.
That's A Little Rude
She's a person, after all.
Pro-Life Or Pro-Choice Ornament?
One thing there is a plethora of is embryo ornaments.
Bloody Eyeball
Nothing says the holidays like a bloody eyeball.
Oh Wait...
No, just kidding nothing says the holidays like a fleshy eyeball.
Santa Brain
That's how he knows who's been naughty or nice.
XBox Ornament
An ornament to commemorate the year you got that XBox.
Deranged Tree
This ornament serves as a warning for the actual tree to stay in line.
Kidney Ornament
Literal body organs make the holiday festive.
Deranged Baby
This is a good gift for your newborn baby to remind him that you think babies are a little creepy.
Octopus Eyeball
This one is a real conversation starter.
Bloody Santa
Maybe next year you'll remember to put out the fire before you go to bed.
Embryo Covered In Bacon
Did you ever think you'd read those words typed together?
Whatever This Thing Is...
A monster stealing a cookie?
Spaghetti Monster
Because you really just have to include this ornament.
Dead Santa
Here's great way to teach your children about death.
Decapitated Head
Who can forget the classic Christmas story about the beheading of Charlie?
Da Bomb
Ok, this is pretty adorable.
Fish Fishing With A Marshmallow
Yeah, that makes sense.
Winnie The Pooh In A Bikini
He's pretty self-conscious.
A Dog Queen?
That's what we're going with, dog queen.
Scandalous Elves
Hey, keep it in your Santa hat.
Santa Kidnapping A Small Boy
Is this an old tradition we don't know about?
Reddit Alien
Terrific!
Jersey Shore Castmembers
Get out of here!
Crying Baby
Or hungry baby?
Nudist Santa
Not you too Mrs. Claus!
Drunk Frog?
That peppermint is laced with vodka.
Messed Up Angel
Not every angel looks alike.
Scariest Animal On The Planet Award
Why shark ornament, why?
Lovable Ninja
This picture was also taken perfectly.
Female Ravioli
That bow makes eating that ravioli all the sadder.
Star Face
If you can't decide between having an angel or a star.
Power Drill?
Or also, straight up gun.
Freaky Frankenstein
These two deserve to be on your tree.
Mustache
To commemorate your Movember look.
Christmas Mouse
She's a reject from the muppets.
Handgun
No!!
Christmas Gets Commercial
Geico, get out of here.
Snowmen Sex
Here's how to show your family you're a little wacky.
GROSS!
There were definitely more than one of these.
Breast Ornament
Festive!
Used Tampon
Here's one thing that never needs to be personified.
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